


Five Times Coulson Thought About the Old Days (and One Time May Reminded Him)

by Sarahastro



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen, Philinda Secret Summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 01:56:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1762363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarahastro/pseuds/Sarahastro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for dragonacesg7 as part of the Philinda Secret Summer. Prompt: Remembering the days before Bahrain.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Five Times Coulson Thought About the Old Days (and One Time May Reminded Him)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for dragonacesg7 as part of the Philinda Secret Summer. Prompt: Remembering the days before Bahrain.

1\. 

After May leaves his office, he stares at the medical file on his desk for a few seconds, then tucks it away at the bottom of a drawer. May is right. He is not the same person he was before he was stabbed on the Helicarrier. He might never be that man again. But for the first time, it feels like that might be okay.

_You know how long it’s taken me to -_

He knows. He remembers going by her apartment, bringing food and trying to fill the apartment with conversation while she wandered around in a daze. He remembers trying desperately to make her smile, telling her stories and cracking lame jokes. Finally he had given up and accepted that his friend was gone. He still kept an eye on her, and they had dinner whenever he was in town, but he no longer spent their time together reminding her of old times. It had been easier to try to forget.

But after he died and came back, his first thought was of May. He had been given a second chance, and he had wanted to do the same for her. He had thought that meant dragging her back into the field so he could try to turn her back into the woman she used to be. But now he is not so sure. Maybe it is too late for either of them to go back to who they used to be. But maybe they can find a way forward together.

 

2.

“I know it was you.”

May continues staring out the cockpit window.

“I don’t think anyone else has figured it out. Fitz still thinks it was Skye or Ward.” He pauses but there is no reaction. “You pulled that prank on me back at the Academy.”

She still does not look at him, but she gives a small smile. “It’s a classic.”

He smiles, remembering her smirk when he came out of his dorm room with his face covered in shaving cream. “Well, I’ll be locking my door before I go to sleep from now on.”

“That’s never stopped me before.”

 

3.

The stakeout in Mexico reminds him of all the missions they used to go on together, back before Bahrain. They have spent so many hours alone together on surveillance missions and stakeouts, telling each other stories and jokes to pass the time. He even got her to read some of his Captain America comic books. He has never been as close to anyone as he once was to Melinda May. But now those memories are too painful to think about. They happened a lifetime ago.

Finally he has to cut off her gentle chatter. “All right, what’s up?”

“You tell me.”

“You’re talking, more than ever.” Even before Bahrain, he was the one who kept up the conversation on their stakeouts. She mostly communicated through eye rolls and small smiles.

“Because you’re not.”

“And you suddenly became active on the Skye investigation?”

“She's proved herself. Stepped up in a big way for our team, for you.”

“Is that it, or is it just to distract me?”

She sighs. “Both. I know you're having a hard time believing what -”

His worries and doubts spill out of him. May has always been a good listener, and it is easy to confide in her. “They changed my memories. Who’s to say they didn’t change more?”

“I say. I know you, Phil, and I knew you before. You know I’d be the first to go down that road if I thought it led somewhere. Do you believe me at least?”

He wants to. He does not feel like he can trust anything anymore - himself, Nick Fury, S.H.I.E.L.D. The only thing he still has to hold onto is his friendship with May. She has always had his back.

“Do you -” she asks.

He turns to look at her. “Yes.”

 

4.

When he goes down to the lab, he sees May trying to stitch herself up. He feels a flash of irritation at her stubborness. She has always hated asking for help.

He goes to the cabinet and pulls out some Q-tips and a vial of blue liquid. “You know, we have this stuff for a reason.” It is relatively new, courtesy of some genius S.H.I.E.L.D. biologists. May has always been suspicious of new technology, but there is no reason she should grit her teeth and stitch herself up while they have this miracle drug on hand.

She puts down the needle and lets him guide her over to the lab table. As he patches her up, he tries not to think about all of the times he has had to do this. People think that she is invincible, but he has taken care of her wounds too many times to have that illusion. As he works, he talks about the mission, giving them both something to focus on besides the gaping wound in her shoulder.

“It wasn’t supposed to be a combat op.”

Her eyes are soft, and he knows that she can see how guilty he feels. “They’ll be fine. They can handle themselves.”

He finishes and gently puts a bandage over the wound. She rewards him with a smile. “Did he get you anyplace else?”

She scoffs and gives him a crooked smile. It is the smile she used to give him whenever he had to patch up her wounds, her way of trying to reassure him that she would be all right. He has not seen that smile since Bahrain. She has not looked at him the way she is looking at him since Bahrain, the way she used to look at him when their worlds revolved around each other.

When Ward interrupts them, he tries to keep his face neutral and refocus on the mission, but he cannot help but glare at Ward as he heads back to the cockpit.

Not until a few days later does he allow himself to wonder what might have happened if they had had a few more minutes alone together.

 

5.

When Fury leaves, Coulson and May stand in silence in his office for a moment. Finally he says, “I’d better figure out our next move.”

She gives him a small smile. “Director.”

“I can’t do this alone. I need you. I always need you, but rebuilding S.H.I.E.L.D. -”

She steps towards him. “I have your back.”

He smiles. “Like the old days. I always felt better on missions when I knew you were watching my back.”

She smiles at that, but her eyes are serious. “It won’t be quite like the old days.”

“No. But we’ve been through so much together. There’s no one I’d rather have watching my back.”

“Always.”

 

+1

“If you want, I could lay out the mats downstairs. We could go a few rounds like the old days.”

Coulson’s head snaps around to stare at May. She gives him a flirtatious smile, one he has seen a thousand times, one he has not seen since Bahrain.

Before he can respond, an alarm goes off. He follows her gaze and sees the red S.H.I.E.L.D. logo flashing on the screen, indicating that they are receiving an urgent message from headquarters. When he turns back to her she is smiling again.

“Saved by the bell.”

As he leaves, he smiles to himself. She might be different now, but she is still Melinda May.


End file.
